He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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