Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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