Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
