I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
