his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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