Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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