Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
