He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
