Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
