i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Randomize
