Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
