bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
