She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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