I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
He felt like a one man threesome
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize