im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
