you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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