Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
