Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
