my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
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