the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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