Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
