Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
It's blow job season.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Randomize
