So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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