standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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