she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
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You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
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I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.