Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
I used to kick so much ass
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.