Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world