he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
