and next time when you feel me up, do it right
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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