Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
