I wish I only lived at night.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
