I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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