the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I'm really busy with my period
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