Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Walk of Shame today included voting.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
