I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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