It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
