Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
