i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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