You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
