so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
