First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
