So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
