Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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