If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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