Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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