Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
