wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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