I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
