Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
