I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I can't put those talents on a resume
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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