He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
