woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
