I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
