Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
