Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
