I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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