i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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