Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
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