That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
You are a genius and a whore.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
