she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
