i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
