So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
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Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
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I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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