Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
