My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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