so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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