How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
