i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
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