just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
