we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
