Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
