i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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