If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
